Posted by Karen May 15th, 2005 Filed under Family,Journal

Last night i went crying again. Thoughts keep comin’ back to me and its stressing me out. I can’t sleep. It seemed to go on like forever :((.

I only had two hours of sleep, had to wake up early to attend the mass. Don’t really like going on another week without going to church and my mom freaks out if i don’t. Plus i feel like my week would go bad if i don’t either. After church i head on here and started workin’ my ass again. Now i feeling light headed from lack of sleep. Good though, my eyes didn’t die on me this afternoon like it usually does when i don’t get enough sleep. Thanks to all the bloggers who keeps me awake, And speaking of which I came across to this one videoblogger who got me interested on doing it my own too. hmm…i’ll try.. maybe soon. kinda excited about it. heehee. My mind got really busy from figuring out how to do it.

It’s been already, i mean almost 2 months since my ex broke up with me and i’m still not over him. I find myself still thinkin’ about him and missing him every time. He is mainly the reason why i started blogging. Since i wanted to get my mind off of things (my past, my lost love, bad things) and how i got myself so messed up. And another thing that’s been bothering me this past week, i stopped talking to two of my cousins (which i’m close to). What happened was that one night where i went ahead of them and didn’t say a word. They must have misinterpreted me or something then from then on it got complicated. I don’t wanna think about it too much though coz its giving me a headache. It’s just been hard on me these past months, i get easily irritated with things and sometimes i just want to shut up and not say a word. I kind of got tired with all the shit that i wanna be left alone. They don’t need me anyway so im going through the motions. I’m not trying to justify the way i feel or act towards them like i don’t know them coz i know its wrong. but what can i do?…I’m just saying how i feel. I don’t wanna sound suicidal right now but i wanna get away from the world, maybe much sleep or not to wake up at all. On the lighter side, I’m saying to myself I’m going to get through this, that I’m goin’ to be alright.