Posted by: Karen October 12th, 2009 Filed under: Family,Journal,Rants

Finally, new post. I have been to the moon and back– NOT! just kidding searching for free wordpress themes i could modify, as you can see i’ve changed to another theme again in just two weeks though the same header and a bit different color scheme from the previous ones. Can’t seem to find one that i will be content with for maybe a couple of months? *shrugs* I have no budget for the time being as i have used up the little money i have earned  to add cash for my lenovo ideapad and paid for my hosting site.  Anyway back to themes, as ya’ll know it’s hard when you don’t know so much about css and stuff about making a theme, i get headaches in tryin’ to figure out and make sense of the CSS codes.  I think this one will do for the meantime. Plus my editing came into a halt due to another server transfer and out of memory errors for a week and i have been itching to finish everything so i can write off these things on my mind lately but such a bad timing. Life is ironic like that, when you don’t have anything to write about everything seems fine and dandy . When you finally have something to say or want to do, suddenly some things just comes up and hinders you. argh!

Added my hellish day last Monday, definitely a bad start of the week. As soon as i woke up i went downstairs to watch TV in the living room, my older gay brother who i call now as the not-my-brother-anymore-for-so-long was sleeping in the living room as they have since the flash floods that happened last January earlier this year. As i turned the TV on i check ESPN to see if there’s a Yankee game but the TV was a bit loud with a buzzing or  static sound. The not-my-brother-anymore-for-so-long woke up then halfly shouts/barks at me to turn the volume down, i didn’t listen to him since i don’t talk to him in like forever, ever since that  day i had enough of his ***t. The lying,  stealing and deceiving , making up stories in expense of someone and  the drugs and he’s being unremorseful. I hate him ugh!   The things he does that puts the family through so much pain and shame. Seeing my mom through all that is heartbreaking. I’m starting to believe he’s not human.  All my respect went down the drain.  I don’t talk to him for so long now coz i didn’t want anything to do with him. SO minding my own business that morning and besides every time he watches the TV i just stayed in my room and mope no matter how loud the volume is.  The other week he was out with  his girlfriends and maybe even with his boyfriend– getting high and every time the drugs wears out he’s all cranky and lashes out every time he gets pissed at something or someone. So i didn’t listen to him, he went outside and grabs a 2×2 piece of wood  and threatens to hit me with it but mom was there covering me and tells him to stop. And when you’re in the middle of  that  you cannot help but shout, cry and talk back in anger, it’s all i could do really, then he grabbed my hair and that hurt really bad. Just like all those other  times he slapped me hard or grabbed my hair out before and threatened me with a knife because he got mad that i mocked him with a song just as he was walking around the living room with only his undies on. Then this now, holding the 2×2 wood hitting the chair that i was seating as his warning . I was thinking that if he ever hits me with it i’m surely going report it to the police.  I hate him so bad  and i totally disown him as a brother. He hasn’t been a brother for as long as i can remember. And i resent Ma for refusing to see the truth, being in denial and blamed me instead for talking back. Just because i’m the youngest i should just shut up and follow everything  they say. No wonder i have trouble expressing myself coz every time i talk about what i feel or what i think i’m being disrespectful.  When i talk to Ma about something it’s like i’m not there and instead i get words thrown up at me like ” Just wait til you get married and have your own kids” over and over. I’m not yet even married but it feels like i’m bound to live a miserable life. It’s depressing and exhausting at the same time. I’m sick and tired of all this. The same things since i don’t know forever?

Enough of all the rants now, I slept a bit early than usual so i could wake up early to watch a live coverage of the Yankee game  on ESPN and i did. I am SO happy that the Yankees kept on winning on the American League Division Series (ALDS)  Sweeps the Minnesota Twins yay!! Thank God. The games has been exciting, nail-biting and intense. Loved the photos here. ALCS is coming up this friday vs. Anaheim Angels. GO YANKEES!!

Other than that i have been a bit busy with facebook, twitter and now i got tumblr account, i was a bit hesitant to open an account but i thought i should give it a try. Anyone knows a pink free tumblr theme? I will very much appreciate the help and you can add me on any of those social networking accounts that i have if you want to. Oh anyone watches PBB double up? Melissa is so damn funny i could not watch her without cracking up. Tell me what you think of PBB Double up season 3, share? I was sad that the twins got evicted in PBB house, too early for them but it was the deal if they don’t get to fulfill their tasks. Oh well, excited for those other pbb housemates.

Anyway, i can feel my tummy growling. I’m hungry,  i should have my lunch now. I’ll be blog hopping when i’m done eating. Take care, Be safe and ya’ll have a wonderful night/day.

Cheerios!