Lost

Posted by: Karen February 2nd, 2006 Filed under: Journal,Songs i love

I have alot of things in my mind but then the moment i open the page to create a post, i get lost. Can’t even remember how many times i did it. I open it, trying to type – trying to pour my thoughts in then in the middle of typing i get lost and decided to click back on the dashboard and just close it. I’m lost most of the time. Can someone rescue me…? Well i can answer that myself. God is the only one who can rescue my shattered soul.

I’m a big whiner and i don’t really like it. I complain just about everything in my life. NOT GOOD! *bites nails*…I battle with myself everyday and with all my feelings. I can say that i haven’t fully recovered from that lost love. I’ve begged and pleaded to someone to love me back the same way but it never happens – at least not to the ones you want. This yearning for that someone must stop.

I’ll be okay…I know God is with me, getting me through it.

There’s a lot of things i wanna do… i wanna clean the house and make use of myself while i work only on nights. The house is all cluttered and dusty. All i do now is sleep or read a book. At the end of the day i get really disappointed with myself for not having a single thing done.Ma’s hands are full, doing all the things she can around the house and with kisha, my niece (newly turned 3 last January 21) to take care of since my sister works the whole day. She has to be watched carefully because she has been on two accidents in less than 2 weeks last December. Can you believe that? First she got hit by a “motorsikad”(a three -wheel made bicycle or another way of transportation here in Gingoog) when she ran off across the street to our house after we got out from the “Motorcycle” from church with another motorsikad coming off the opposite direction. Kisha got caught in the middle and under the motorsikad, well you can picture that out..i was there shocked and i couldn’t move. I shiver everytime i’m reminded by it. Fortunately we were so blessed that God’s lovin’ arms was there to protect her, she got out with just a little bruises. Second, when Kisha was jumping and playing, she slipped and broken a bone on her shoulder and needs a cast. They said someone pushed her or something but she’s ok now thank God. So that’s why ma never let’s her out of sight. Well having said that, i have alot to be thankful for, to God for keeping the whole family safe and in good health. *Smiles*

Hmm here’s a song for me that keeps me strong….I remember after taking a shower and i was in a hurry getting dressed, and still flipping channels. I caught up the last part of the movie “Honey” on HBO and this song was played called “I Believe” by Yolanda Adams, i was so taken by it…everything happened to me flashed back and with the present heartbreak I’m in..I burst into tears. I kept telling myself i’ll be ok.

They said you wouldn’t make it so far, uh-uh
And ever since they said it, it’s been hard
But nevermind the nights you had to cry
Cause you have never let it go inside
You work real hard, and you know exactly what you want and need
So believe and you can never give up
You can reach your goals, just talk to your soul and say

Break

[chorus]
I believe I can, I believe I will
I believe I know my Dreams are real
I believe I’ll stand, I believe I’ll dance
I believe I’ll grow real soon
And that is what I do believe

Break

Your goals are just dancing in your soul
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your mind
So just believe they will come true in time
And you’ll be fine
Leave all of your cares and stress behind
and just let it go
let the music flow inside
Forget your pain
Just start to believe

Break

[chorus]
I believe I can, I believe I will,
I believe I know my Dreams are real
I believe I’ll chant
I believe I’ll dance
I believe I’ll grow real soon
And that is what I do believe
Never mind what people say, hold your head high and turn away
With all my hopes and dreams
I will believe, even though it seems its not for me
I won’t give up I’ll keep it up, and look into the sky I will achieve
On my knees I will always believe And I (chorus)

And with the song called “Jesus, You are my Healer” by Don Moen..i believe God will heal me inside and out not. Oops i can’t find any lyrics….i’ll post it tomorrow…now im hurrying coz my sis and my bro is already here to pick me up.

Night, God bless and Peace 🙂